Ada or Ardor: A Family Chronicle Part 2, Chapter 4 (view annotations) |
4 |
What are dreams? A random sequence of scenes, trivial or | |
tragic, viatic or static, fantastic or familiar, featuring more or | |
less plausible events patched up with grotesque details, and re- | |
casting dead people in new settings. | |
359.05 | In reviewing the more or less memorable dreams I have had |
during the last nine decades I can classify them by subject matter | |
into several categories among which two surpass the others | |
in generic distinctiveness. There are the professional dreams and | |
there are the erotic ones. In my twenties the first kind occurred | |
359.10 | about as frequently as the second, and both had their intro- |
ductory counterparts, insomnias conditioned either by the over- | |
flow of ten hours of vocational work or by the memory of | |
Ardis that a thorn in my day had maddeningly revived. After | |
work I battled against the might of the mind-set: the stream of | |
359.15 | composition, the force of the phrase demanding to be formed |
could not be stopped for hours of darkness and discomfort, and | |
when some result had been achieved, the current still hummed | |
on and on behind the wall, even if I locked up my brain by an | |
act of self-hypnosis (plain will, or pill, could no longer help) | |
359.20 | within some other image or meditation—but not Ardis, not |
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Ada, for that would mean drowning in a cataract of worse | |
wakefulness, with rage and regret, desire and despair sweeping | |
me into an abyss where sheer physical extenuation stunned me | |
at last with sleep. | |
360.05 | In the professional dreams that especially obsessed me when |
I worked on my earliest fiction, and pleaded abjectly with a very | |
frail muse ("kneeling and wringing my hands" like the dusty- | |
trousered Marmlad before his Marmlady in Dickens), I might | |
see for example that I was correcting galley proofs but that | |
360.10 | somehow (the great "somehow" of dreams!) the book had al- |
ready come out, had come out literally, being proffered to me | |
by a human hand from the wastepaper basket in its perfect, | |
and dreadfully imperfect, stage—with a typo on every page, | |
such as the snide "bitterly" instead of "butterfly" and the mean- | |
360.15 | ingless "nuclear" instead of "unclear." Or I would be hurrying |
to a reading I had to give—would feel exasperated by the sight | |
of the traffic and people blocking my way, and then realize | |
with sudden relief that all I had to do was to strike out the | |
phrase "crowded street" in my manuscript. What I might | |
360.20 | designate as "skyscape" (not "skyscrape," as two-thirds of the |
class will probably take it down) dreams belongs to a subdivi- | |
sion of my vocational visions, or perhaps may represent a preface | |
to them, for it was in my early pubescence that hardly a night | |
would pass without some old or recent waketime impression's | |
360.25 | establishing a soft deep link with my still-muted genius (for we |
are "van," rhyming with and indeed signifying "one" in Marina's | |
double-you-less deep-voweled Russian pronunciation). The | |
presence, or promise, of art in that kind of dream would come | |
in the image of an overcast sky with a manifold lining of cloud, | |
360.30 | a motionless but hopeful white, a hopeless but gliding gray, |
showing artistic signs of clearing, and presently the glow of a | |
pale sun grew through the leaner layer only to be recowled by | |
the scud, for I was not yet ready. |
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contained an essentially triple and, in a way, tribadic, idea. Bad | |
Ada and lewd Lucette had found a ripe, very ripe ear of Indian | |
corn. Ada held it at both ends as if it were a mouth organ and | |
now it was an organ, and she moved her parted lips along it, | |
362.05 | varnishing its shaft, and while she was making it trill and moan, |
Lucette's mouth engulfed its extremity. The two sisters' avid | |
lovely young faces were now close together, doleful and wistful | |
in their slow, almost languid play, their tongues meeting in | |
flicks of fire and curling back again, their tumbled hair, red- | |
362.10 | bronze and black-bronze, delightfully commingling and their |
sleek hindquarters lifted high as they slaked their thirst in the | |
pool of his blood. | |
I have some notes here on the general character of dreams. | |
One puzzling feature is the multitude of perfect strangers with | |
362.15 | clear features, but never seen again, accompanying, meeting, |
welcoming me, pestering me with long tedious tales about other | |
strangers—all this in localities familiar to me and in the midst of | |
people, deceased or living, whom I knew well; or the curious | |
tricks of an agent of Chronos—a very exact clock-time aware- | |
362.20 | ness, with all the pangs (possibly full-bladder pangs in disguise) |
of not getting somewhere in time, and with that clock hand | |
before me, numerically meaningful, mechanically plausible, but | |
combined—and that is the curious part—with an extremely | |
hazy, hardly existing passing-of-time feeling (this theme I will | |
362.25 | also reserve for a later chapter). All dreams are affected by the |
experiences and impressions of the present as well as by memories | |
of childhood; all reflect, in images or sensations, a draft, a light, | |
a rich meal or a grave internal disorder. Perhaps the most typical | |
trait of practically all dreams, unimportant or portentous—and | |
362.30 | this despite the presence, in stretches or patches, of fairly |
logical (within special limits) cogitation and awareness (often | |
absurd) of dream-past events—should be understood by my | |
students as a dismal weakening of the intellectual faculties of |
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the dreamer, who is not really shocked to run into a long-dead | |
friend. At his best the dreamer wears semi-opaque blinkers; at | |
his worst he's an imbecile. The class (1891, 1892, 1893, 1894, | |
et cetera) will carefully note (rustle of bluebooks) that, owing | |
363.05 | to their very nature, to that mental mediocrity and bumble, |
dreams cannot yield any semblance of morality or symbol or | |
allegory or Greek myth, unless, naturally, the dreamer is a | |
Greek or a mythicist. Metamorphoses in dreams are as common | |
as metaphors in poetry. A writer who likens, say, the fact of | |
363.10 | imagination's weakening less rapidly than memory, to the lead |
of a pencil getting used up more slowly than its erasing end, is | |
comparing two real, concrete, existing things. Do you want me | |
to repeat that? (cries of "yes! yes!") Well, the pencil I'm | |
holding is still conveniently long though it has served me a lot, | |
363.15 | but its rubber cap is practically erased by the very action it |
has been performing too many times. My imagination is still | |
strong and serviceable but my memory is getting shorter and | |
shorter. I compare that real experience to the condition of this | |
real commonplace object. Neither is a symbol of the other. | |
363.20 | Similarly, when a teashop humorist says that a little conical |
titbit with a comical cherry on top resembles this or that (titters | |
in the audience) he is turning a pink cake into a pink breast | |
(tempestuous laughter) in a fraise-like frill or frilled phrase | |
(silence). Both objects are real, they are not interchangeable, | |
363.25 | not tokens of something else, say, of Walter Raleigh's decap- |
itated trunk still topped by the image of his wetnurse (one lone | |
chuckle). Now the mistake—the lewd, ludicrous and vulgar | |
mistake of the Signy-Mondieu analysts consists in their regard- | |
ing a real object, a pompon, say, or a pumpkin (actually seen in | |
363.30 | a dream by the patient) as a significant abstraction of the real |
object, as a bumpkin's bonbon or one-half of the bust if you see | |
what I mean (scattered giggles). There can be no emblem or | |
parable in a village idiot's hallucinations or in last night's dream |
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of any of us in this hall. In those random visions nothing—un- | |
derscore "nothing" (grating sound of horizontal strokes)—can | |
be construed as allowing itself to be deciphered by a witch doc- | |
tor who can then cure a madman or give comfort to a killer by | |
364.05 | laying the blame on a too fond, too fiendish or too indifferent |
parent—secret festerings that the foster quack feigns to heal by | |
expensive confession fests (laughter and applause). |
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